Can I Get a Witness?

I recently heard a filmmaker say that best thing we can do for one another is to be a witness to their lives.  I think there is profound beauty in that statement.

I’ve done some pretty awful things in my lifetime. Nothing criminal- but I’ve been bad, I’ve lied, cheated, stolen, betrayed people I cared for and worst of all I’ve been ungrateful for what I have. Most of the time I was the only one that knew what went down. But there has been the occasion where my perpetrations have had an audience. Some of them victims of my actions, some of them by-standers. Either way they were all very willing to share their upset, disappointment, anger, hatred, sadness and eventually for some- their love and forgiveness. I don’t count these moments as fun but I do count them as valuable. Extremely valuable.

We bear witness to atrocities of humanity all of the time. The major and the minor. We intervene when we are moved to. Knowing the act has been witnessed grants a level of accountability. Whether or not we do anything with our newfound accountability is a whole other matter- another blog for another day. However, what we do have to deal with is – is that fact that someone else knows what we know. We are not alone.

You’ve had those moments haven’t you? Where you made the perfect shot in basketball or golf or flipped the perfect omelet or made the perfect cappuccino [my personal opus] or caught 36 pieces of popcorn in your mouth in a row or whatever you did that felt extraordinary and there was no one else there to witness it. Is it enough for us just to know?

Then there are the moments we exceed our own expectations either giving or receiving. We share ourselves so deeply and so poignantly that we’re sure in the next breath a blush of humiliation and embarrassment will consume every inch of our skin.  What do we do when we say or write something intimate to someone we thought it was safe to do so and there’s no response? Is it enough for us just to know or do we need a witness?

I have been privileged to witness the lives of thousands. The intense, the pensive, the explosive, the quiet, the sad, the hurt, the joy, the love, the bliss, the pain, the ecstasy, the healing, the laughter, the silly, the art, the poetry, the beginning, the ending, the moment. Reminders all, that we are not alone. There’s this word in Africa, Ubuntu- meaning ‘Humanity to others’, or ‘I am what I am because of who we all are.’ You cannot be human in isolation. You are human only in relationships.  Maybe that’s the point.

girl&boy

Looking for a man who enjoys drinking O.J. straight from the container, loves to find change at the bottom of the washer, knows the reason why dry wine is wet and who invented the kiss. He must have a quick-witted mouthful of sarcasm, enjoy caffeine at a spiritual level, and can stay up all night watching movies. On the spur of the moment, he will know the definition of cacophony and mellifluous and can whip up a batch of mashed potatoes. He can recite at least one love poem by heart and has read the Lotus Sutra. He believes in Santa Claus, anniversaries, holding hands and fireflies. He requires the understanding that there are days that breakfast is served at dinner, days we never shed our pajamas, and that at times I spend whole afternoons reading in the bathtub or perfecting the playlists on my iPod. He needs to have an inexhaustible supply of fine point pens, be thought provoking, and own a passport and a yoga mat.    

my mother’s day

i live in a pretty secluded area. it’s like mayberry and i love it. i know the people at the post office where you have to go to collect your mail. i run into people i know from the little UU church i attend. we leave the keys in the car and don’t lock the doors at night. it’s that kind of place. i’ve lived in cities for the last 15 years- so this was an adjustment, but one i made pretty easily. when i go to a city now, the first few minutes can be an adjustment- it’s alot of energy to take in….

last thursday i took the train to boston and then the T to Quincy [i love good public transportation]. I was walking down Hancock Street and a woman in a car is screaming at her elderly mother in the back seat- insisting that she close the door. then she yells at me to come and close the door for her. my first reaction was to keep walking- just get away from the situation as fast as possible. but i didn’t. i walked over to the car and i told the screaming woman that i would close the door for her if she stopped yelling… this clearly took her by surpirse. she started to yell and curse at me and i opened the passenger door and sat down in the seat. i looked her in the eye and said ‘i know you’re frustrated, i’m sorry for that, but this is your mother back there, she’s a person.’ the woman quickly calmed down and even got a little weepy. i got out and moved towards the back seat, buckled her mother in and closed the door. as i bent down to look through the passenger window the woman stuck her hand out and said ‘thanks’ I just squeezed her hand and nodded. there was nothing more to say.

everything i know told me i should have just walked away. but everything i didn’t know had me do what i did. my mother’s day gift was that moment when that angry woman remembered who she was and who her mother was. it’s all right there below the chaos and the anger and the fear. the brilliant, perfect human being- whole and complete and full of joy. we just forgot. i know i do all of the time. but that day i remembered.

32 flavors and then some…

1.     Vanilla

2.     1992 Chateau Latour Bordeaux

3.     Grass

4.     Balinese sea salt

5.     Tupelo honey

6.     Skin

7.     French tarragon

8.     Crème brulee

9.     Balsamic vinegar

10.   Coffee ice cream

11.   Jalapeno

12.   Heirloom tomato

13.   A kiss

14.   Chantrelles

15.   Pomegranate

16.   Seaweed

17.   Rose

18.   Charcoal

19.   Twig tea

20.   Sea shore

21.   Lemon verbena

22.   Buttermilk

23.   Toasted sesame oil

24.   Brown rice

25.   Maple syrup (the real stuff)

26.   Parisian chocolate

27.   Sandalwood

28.   Quince

29.   Violet

30.   Sencha

31.   Port

32.   A mystery

i ‘heart’ craigslist & craig

I had one comment from my last posting regarding my recent craigslist experience. It was from Craig…yes that Craig. Frankly, I was surprised. But mostly I was impressed by his interest and concern. He offered to contact the man that I had the exchange with to let him know that his communication wasn’t appropriate. Again, I was impressed. We agreed in the end that this was minor compared to some of the things happening on the net and that it would probably just agitate the guy… he does have my email after all.

What did I learn? Craigslist is still kind and indeed Craig is very kind and a person of great integrity. There are mean people everywhere. I have to include myself in that assessment. [My apologies to the shuttle driver at BWI last month].  My best friend Chad says that mean people are our best teachers. They provide us an opportunity to just love them for all they are and all they are not. It’s easy to love people when they’re behaving. The mastery comes in the moment when some one calls you an imbecile and to still have a loving heart. Buddha had the same notion. I definitely got the dharma from this drama.

Cheers.

when craigslist was kind

I lived in San Francisco at the beginning of craigslist , in fact I met “craig” at a party on Church Street one night. I found more great stuff and potential jobs on craigslist back in those days. It really was a great community. I was excited when I moved to Denver to see that it had expanded there and to other cities. Now it’s practically everywhere.

I’m in Massachusetts now. I inquired about a camera recently from a man near Boston. He proceeded to berate me over email for what I could see was no good reason… Now I know you are not supposed to assume the emotional state of an email…but when someone calls you an imbecile in an email, my guess is that it’s somewhat hostile if not just mean-spirited. I was pretty upset. See, I’m not someone that emails to anyone I don’t know. So shame on me for not going through the process of setting up a whole other gmail or yahoo or hotmail account just to buy a camera.

I was a little freaked out from the exchange and disappointed by once again being reminded how humanity has not advanced at the same rate as technology. Then I remembered all of those adages…don’t take it personally…he’s not responding to you….have compassion for those who mistreat you…. So while I can summon up the grace to bless and release this miserable soul and pray that he has some joy in his life at some point. I think I’ll head to Best Buy for my new camera and I will be weary to inquire at craigslist for a while…which sucks because I really want to buy a windsurfer this summer.

Muse Madness

After the expansion comes the contraction. I wrote like a mad woman for 10 days and nights, was feeling good and then comes the crash. I always forget the law of gravity applies to the creative force too…at least it does for me.

The arrival of spring is very welcome- though it’s still averaging 30 degrees here. Watching the lake thaw overnight was incredible. When I figure out how to post video I’ll add that to my website.

Had a lovely walk around Walden Pond (yes, that Walden Pond) yesterday. Look forward to my first swim across when it gets a bit warmer.

famous among dozens…

girl and muse is the product of weeks of sleepless nights, a flood of inspiration and profound gratitude……i’m brand new to the whole blog world, but look forward to sharing about the girl (me) and the muse (i’ll never tell)…..check out my website…www.girlandmuse.com

be well- m

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